Make the best first impression by learning how to make contact and write the best first message for online dating relationships
I’ve been there before, searching online dating sites and coming across a profile of the future Mrs. How You Can Find Love. The problem was, how do I approach her? Do I wink at her or just send an email? What’s my best option for getting her to respond? First messages in online dating are like first impressions, you only get one and a bad one will get you shut down fast. With the online message, you don’t get the benefit of a shy smile or showing off the product of all that time in the gym.
You want to make the best first impression you can for your potential match. The stress alone can freeze some people up worse that if they had to say hello in person.
If you find yourself in this situation, read on to find out your best option for reaching out to the future Mrs. You. Let’s talk about the do’s and don’ts of that perfect first message and how to get a response.
Flirt or Message your Online Date? – For The Guys
If you think you’ve found the girl for you, skip the winking or flirting and go right for the email. Girls get hit up on online dating sites all of the time. Most times, she’ll ignore you unless you look semi-datable in your profile picture or your description reads like a romance novel. It’s also one of the reasons why I stress that you take the time in preparing your online dating profile.
More importantly though, girls know a wink is a cop-out. You could wink at 1,000 girls in a few minutes’ time, see who bites and then take it from there. But if I email her, I have to take some time in crafting up my email. Emailing shows much more interest than a simple wink. Additionally, it shows effort. If you can’t put forth the effort to court her with that first online message, what is going to happen six months into the relationship?
I guess the whole stress over contacting people and writing that first message to your online match is one of the reasons why eHarmony is so popular. The site takes that awkward first message out of the equation by matching you up based on your profile questions. It’s a nice little push in the right direction but you still have to right a message to your match.
Best First Message Online Dating – For The Guys
So I have you all set up to write your first message to a girl, but understand that a lot of guys also message girls as well. Before you throw in the towel thinking contacting her is pointless, hear me out. Most guys don’t put any effort into their messages either.
There are three types of initial messages guys send to girls on dating sites:
- Message #1: “Hey, wanna chat?”
- Message #2: “Hey, ur hot. Want 2 chat?”
- Message #3: An actual email expressing valid interest
Luckily for you, over 90% of the emails sent are of the first two. Guys are so pathetic. While she is deleting all of these messages, she will come across your thoughtful email and read it. Then she will check out your profile. Depending on what she is looking for, she will either ignore you or reply back.
Putting in a little time with the first message and getting her to read your profile is half the battle. I’m not a big believer in soul-mates and that perfect person. There are many people out there with which you could fall deeply in love and live your happily ever after. The problem is getting just one of those people to know you.
If she read your profile and ignored you then maybe it’s for the best. If she wasn’t interested in who you are, assuming you took the time to really lay it all out in your dating profile, then there probably wouldn’t have been much there anyway.
Here is how to craft the best first message online dating: Read her profile and look at her pictures. Pull out some information that you can use to start a conversation. The key here is that last sentence: you are simply looking to start a conversation.
You don’t need to tell her your life history or how you contracted that STD three summers ago. Likewise, you shouldn’t be asking her 5 million questions. Simply introduce yourself, ask a question and you’re done. Here is an example:
My name is [INSERT NAME HERE]. I read your profile and see we have a few things in common. I see you like [INSERT COMMON INTEREST]. I’ve been doing [INTEREST] since I was [AGE]. I love how it [SOMETHING RELATED TO INTEREST]. How long have you been doing [INTEREST]? What’s the best part it for you?
Looking forward to hearing from you!
That’s it. Short, simple and sweet. Of course, we also have to talk about the email subject line. Most (as in every single freaking guy) will simply put “Hi” or “Hey” or “What’s Up”. Be original. Leave the subject line for last and fill it in once you finish the message. Then fill it out with, wait for it… the subject of the email. Incredible I know. In the above email example, the subject line can be “A Fellow [INTEREST] Fan!”
It’s not that hard but yes it does take some effort on your part. But if you are really looking for a special girl, you are going to have to put in the work. You can’t just send 100 generic email and see who bites. Well, you can, but the quality that responds most likely isn’t the type of girl you want to develop a long-term relationship with.
Check out our online dating comparison chart for a rundown on how the messaging works on the most popular dating sites as well as other features on each.
Best First Message Online Dating – For The Girls
When it comes to reaching out to a guy, it’s much simpler. You can actually go either way – wink or message him. I’ve been winked at countless times (yes, I’m bragging) and after I see the wink, I will check out her profile and message her if interested.
Ughh, even online dating is so unfair. Girls have all the power…oh well, enough complaining.
Ok ladies, you’re going to be getting lots of winks and smiles and emails but why leave your white picket fences up to chance? Why not look around an email a few guys on your own. Yeah a few guys may feel emasculated like it’s their job to approach you but the days of John Wayne and the submissive housewife are over. The first message email template above will work for you.
A Few Tips: Best First Message Online Dating
Be Patient: It will take a few drafts of the email until you get it right. I would usually write everything I could think of and then delete parts of it down until I got it the way I wanted it. Oh, and save the dirty text messages for after you’ve met…at least.
Spell Check: For the love of God, spell check and use English. If you message me saying, “Hey u, like ur pics. Message me. TTYL” or anything along those lines, you won’t be getting a reply. I need someone that is mature enough and smart enough to craft an email and have a conversation with.
Watch Your Tone: It is very hard to understand tone in writing. If you’ve come this far, you might think I’m a dick based on some of the jokes I’ve used. But, I’m not, I’m just being sarcastic. Because of this, be careful with how you write things. You may think they are funny but the other person might read them the wrong way. This is why you should limit sexual innuendos.
Asking For Personal Info: Remember it’s the first email. Don’t ask for her number or anything personal. Just start a conversation. Likewise, if someone is asking for your personal info or asking you to meet up on another website, don’t do it. They are just trying to scam you.
Final Thoughts on Making that Perfect First Impression in Online Dating
When it comes to the best first message online dating, your best bet is to go with a well-written email that highlights something in the other person’s profile. It will take you some time to construct the emails, but you stand a much greater chance of getting a reply if you go this route than if you just send a standard “Hi” or “Hey”. I spent so much time online dating before I finally realized this and met my wife. Is it worth a little extra time on your part to meet your real match or do you want to play the numbers game?