Should you get back with your ex and how to move on from a relationship
So it’s been a few weeks since you split with your ex and…it’s not working out like you thought. You now want to get back with your ex and are searching every relationship site for tricks to getting back together.
This is a hard one for me to write. I’ve been in the situation before and it didn’t end well. Every other story of somebody getting back with their ex that I’ve ever heard has ended just as badly.
But I hate to be so one-sided on the blog. I’ve been writing about relationships for more than three years and have learned enough to know that there’s no one-size-fits-all in dating. I’m sure there are plenty of examples out there where people found their happily ever after with an ex.
But I’ve got to talk from my own experiences and what I’ve seen in the majority of cases.
You’re feeling lonely, rejected and just want what felt normal for the longest time. The last thing you want to hear is that getting back with your ex doesn’t work. But before you click out to some other site promising a secret formula to winning your ex back, hear me out.
How To Get Back Together With Your Ex – Why You Don’t Want To Do It
I know, you are hurting right now and you just want things to go back to the way they were, but that’s just not how it works. Your relationship ended for a reason.
What do you expect of your new relationship with your old flame?
- Will they change or will you? If you can truly change then you might give it a try but changing our personality and habits is tough (impossible?). If you’re hoping they are going to change then you’ve got the added obstacle that they might not really want to change.
- What happens to the resentment and memory of the breakup? This one has a habit of reappearing during arguments. If the previous breakup was bad enough, it could haunt your new relationship forever.
- Do you truly want to be with THEM or do you just not want to be alone? I’ve reconnected with prior girlfriends before just because I was lonely. It was never too long after that I realized why we broke up in the first place. Being alone sucks but you can’t spend your life with someone that isn’t right.
I was in your shoes. I was in college and I broke up with my girlfriend at the time. Things were OK between us, but I got bored. I ended things so I could live the more exciting life of a single man. You know, because the grass is greener on the other side. Well, it wasn’t. It sucked. I wanted her back. So I spent that summer trying to woo her back. Eventually she broke down and agreed to be my girlfriend again. Success! We were going to live happily ever after.
Fast forward three months and I was single again. What happened? She ended things. It turns out she grew up and moved on during our initial break up. I didn’t move on. I was still stuck in the past.
Instead of focusing singularly on getting your ex back, check out Elizabeth Daniels’ book Manifesting Love on Amazon. A best-seller in relationships, it can help you understand attraction and creating a bond with anyone…yes, even with your ex.
How to Know You Should Get Back with Your Ex
Even some really great relationships end. I can’t say that it’s never a good idea to reignite an old flame. Try honestly looking back on the relationship.
- Was it almost all great times or did it just seem that way? If either of you were unhappy during a lot of the time together then it probably isn’t going to change the second time around.
- Was it just a single event that caused a quick breakup? Was it one thing that one of you did that ended things quickly? Or was it something that was building for a long time?
Don’t try to do this alone. Recruit a friend to help you assess your relationship, hopefully someone that has sat there and listened to everything you’ve said about the relationship since the beginning. They are going to help you see through the rose-colored glasses and remind you of all the times you complained about your partner and the fights you had.
If you were both genuinely happy together and the breakup was caused by a single event that forced one of you into a quick decision…then maybe think about getting back together. Check out our previous post on ways to get back with your ex.
Why You Don’t Want To Get Back Together
So I tried to reason through why you might be able to successfully get back together with your ex but there are still a lot of reasons why it may not work out. I feel like I’m coming across as really negative and I hate that but it will save you from getting your heart broken again by the same person.
Rebound Relationships just Don’t Work Out: A lot of times when people get back with their ex, it’s pretty close to the rebound relationship. We’ve hit on why rebound relationships don’t work but basically it’s because you are in a place where you can’t make good decisions. You’re lonely and sad and just aren’t thinking right. If you want any hope of it working out, you need to fix what caused the break up in the first place and this can’t be fixed overnight.
The Promise to Change Is Flawed: Most times, one of the people in a bad relationship promises that they have changed or they will change. They didn’t change. Change doesn’t happen overnight. These are personality traits built over decades, not something that is easily changed like the route you take to work. Your ex may avoid doing those things at first but it won’t be long before they’re back to their old ways.
You Only Want It Because It’s Familiar: It’s easier to get back together with an ex than to go out into the real world and find someone else. They are familiar to you – you know their likes and dislikes and you two have a connection. This makes it all too easy to fall back into wanting to get back with your ex.
You can’t heal a broken heart with one blog article. I know, I’ve tried. One book that helped me get past a bad breakup was Susan Elliot’s Getting Past Your Breakup. It’s a great guide on working through the grief and fear to the positive side to your new ‘relationship status’. Beyond the advice around what to do when you can’t stop thinking about your ex, there are some really inspiring stories that help put it all in perspective.
So there you have it. You are going to be tempted to search for other resources out there, trying to find the magical way for how to get back together with your ex. It’s understandable. You are in an emotional state right now. Just ask yourself a few questions:
Why do you want them back? Not on the surface level, but deep down, why do you want them back? If it’s simply because they get you or you have a connection, you need to move on. There are billions of people in this world and you will connect with a lot of them. If you didn’t, everyone would be married to their first love. Hardly anyone is. That should tell you something right there.
Trying to move on and just can’t meet someone? Check out these ways to find a boyfriend NOW!
Final Thoughts on Getting Back Together with Your Ex
If nobody ever broke up, I would be married to the preacher’s daughter I liked in the first grade. I was infatuated with her for all of about three weeks and can’t remember one reason why I liked her. I never would have met my wife and made the most amazing bond I’ve ever had.
Breaking up is hard and everyone goes through the phase of wanting to know how to get back together with your ex. The fact is that the few weeks it will take to get over your ex will be much less painful than getting back together and having to go through it all again later.