Can you ignore your ex and get them back? Getting your ex back can be your doorway to a better life, with or without them.
This post is going to contradict a little with an earlier one on getting back together with your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. I suggested there that getting back with your ex isn’t usually the best idea in the world. Things fell apart for a reason, right?
But I’ve been there before. You know they are the one for you and it really could work out if you could just give it one more shot. You shared some amazing times and don’t want to let all that go.
So this post is going to be all about how to get your ex to want you back. I’ll share some of the things that worked for me getting back together with my ex as well as some tips from a friend of mine that got back with her ex-boyfriend.
These are the same tips and strategies for winning back your ex that you will find in countless online courses. While my friend offers a complete guide and workbook in her Ex-Back Plan, she’s offered to share some of her best ideas here.
Getting Your Ex to Beg for You Back
There is one key step in the entire process for how to get your ex to want you back. It’s this: ignore them. That’s it. Crazy right? Here is why this works. You might think that you need to run up to them and tell them how much you need them, how you can’t live without them, yada, yada, yada.
That does the exact opposite of what you want. It shows them how needy you are. It shows how desperate you are. It shows how emotionally weak you are. No one wants to be with someone that is dependent upon the other person for their own happiness. This goes for both men and women.
When I first was told this is how to get your ex to want you back, I didn’t believe it. I did what you are thinking of doing right now. You are thinking of professing your undying love. I did it too. I smothered her with emails, texts, calls, letters, flowers. You name it, I did it.
Guess how well it worked out for me. It drove her further away from me. She hated me. Trust me when I tell you that reaching out to your ex is the exact wrong thing to do. I have experience. It doesn’t work.
Why Ignoring Your Ex Works…and How to Do It
So why exactly does ignoring your ex work? Simple really. They will start to wonder about you. It’s human nature. We are curious by default. If you had a real meaningful connection, they are going to think about you from time to time. When they do think about you, they will realize that they haven’t heard from you in a while. They will then become curious as to what you’ve been up to. Depending on the length of time it’s been, they might at this point reach out to you.
Now, you might be thinking that they won’t reach out to you, that if you let them go they will never come back. But they will come back. Back to that girl that hated me, once I ignored her and lived my life, she texted me asking me how I was doing. But before we talk about how to handle this the best way possible, we need to continue to discuss ignoring your ex.
How to Get Your Ex Back by Ignoring Them
Some of you reading this might be thinking that it’s OK to “randomly” run into your ex or that you can Facebook message them. You can’t. You can’t have any contact with them at all. In fact, just so we are both on the same page:
- No Calling
- No Texting
- No IM/Twitter/Facebook Messaging
- No Hanging Out in Your Group of Friends
- No Accidently Bumping Into Them
In other words, absolutely ZERO contact. You have to completely disappear from their lives. They can’t miss you if you are always around. If you don’t believe me, go ahead and stay in contact with them. Just know you are never going to get them back unless you kidnap them and I do not suggest you do that.
The Plan is in Process of Ignoring Your Ex – The Ex Back Plan
My friend Lisa developed her ex-back plan while trying to win back an old boyfriend. After three years in the relationship, her boyfriend ended things telling her he didn’t feel the same. At first, she fell into the same old traps. She would run into him at work and try to get in touch.
But it only drove him further away.
She then embraced the idea of being able to move on and create a whole new life. She put together a complete 30-day plan including an emotional first-aid kit, things she wanted to do and finding out what she really wanted.
At the end of the 30-days, she tells me it was like being a completely new person. She was healthier, happier and had a vision of where she was going.
She ended up running into her ex casually at a local store. He couldn’t believe the new her and she suddenly became irresistible to him. They were able to reconcile the problems they had in their relationship and have been happily married for three years!
The Ex-Back Plan is a 30-day system to win back your ex for good. Follow the course and your ex will be the one showing up at your door, pleading to take them back. The plan includes a personal development plan with a clickable workbook plus a bonus Emotional First-Aid Kit to get you through the month. You’ll also learn:
- Tools for getting through the break-up without doing the things you’ll regret later
- How to tell if it was really love or just lust
- How to reclaim your personal power
- How to transform yourself into the best you
- The exact steps to reconnect with your ex and get them back for good
What To Do While You Ignore Your Ex
There is an art to ignoring someone. You aren’t going to sit in your room by the phone waiting for the text message to come in. You need to live life. You need to spend time with your friends and have fun. You need to meet new people and again, have fun. This shows the other person that you are happy and aren’t dependent on them to make you happy.
Here is the process of what you should be doing at this point for how to get your ex to want you back:
Grieve: Yes, you need to go through the grieving process. You need to do this for two reasons. The first is that you will never be able to think with a clear, rational head when you get the chance to be with your ex until after you’ve gotten over them. You’ll blow your chance. Second, in the off chance that they don’t take you back, you need to learn to move on and be comfortable with who you are.
Have Fun: Like Go out with your friends and have fun. Live life. Do the things you and your friends love to do. One word of caution: if you go out drinking, give your phone to your friends. There is a high likelihood of you drunk dialing your ex at the end of the night. We both know the things we say or text when drunk aren’t ideal. Save yourself the trouble and don’t drunk dial your ex.
Make New Friends: When you are hanging out with your friends, make new friends. It will help you to continue moving forward with your life and help you grow as a person. Get back into the dating scene with some of the online dating sites in our comparison chart. You don’t have to be committing to a long-term relationship with someone else, just try meeting a few people.
Improve Yourself: Aside from making new friends, look into bettering yourself. Exercise, take some classes, learn to cook. Anything that you can do to improve yourself and make you more attractive as a person is a good thing. The things I mentioned are good improvements. Getting your ex’s name tattooed to your chest is not an improvement.
Reflect: Look back on your relationship. Why did it end? What went wrong? There has to be some reason or reasons as to why it ended, otherwise you two would still be together. Was it something you weren’t providing in the relationship? Maybe you weren’t a good communicator? Work on that. Become a better conversationalist with your friends and family. Learn the basics of a good relationship.
Stay Calm: I need to include this because there will be a chance you are going to see your ex with a new person in their life. Stay calm. There is a good chance that this new person is simply a rebound relationship and it won’t last. You need to react in a positive way and continue to ignore them. It’s not easy, but it has to be done.
Re-Connecting with Your Ex When they Come Back
Now we get to the best part of how to get your ex to want you back, re-connecting. After a period of time, either you will reach out to your ex or your ex will reach out to you. If you feel as though you are ready, you can go about talking with them again.
The key to this is knowing that you are ready. If you have gone through the grieving process and improved upon yourself, then you are ready to re-connect. If you haven’t gone through the process, then you shouldn’t re-connect. If your ex reached out to you and you aren’t ready to talk to them, then continue to ignore them.
Understand that there is no set time limit on the ignoring process. It lasts as long as you need it to, in order to grow as a person and see the relationship for what it was and why exactly it ended.
Now, when you do re-connect, you should never, ever talk about feelings. In time you can, but not at first. At first you have to treat the re-connect like you are meeting a friend. You do not talk about your past relationship or your feelings. You are simply meeting up to have a fun time.
If you reached out to your ex, they may be hesitant to go out. Simply explain to them that you haven’t seen them in a while and would like to grab coffee with them. No date, just to hang out.
Why Your Ex Will Want You Back
Try everything here and you will have a great chance of getting your ex back. This is because they are already attracted to you and the two of you have a history together. You are familiar to them and this puts them at ease.
But why it really works is because they will see the new you. The you that has made positive changes in your life, the you that has moved on and is a better, stronger person that is better equipped at being in a successful relationship. This will make them even more attracted to you.
But again, DO NOT talk about the past. When it comes time to talk about those things, you will know and the two of you can talk about them as adults. In the meantime, just have fun. Don’t set any expectations. When the meeting is over, tell them that it was great to see them and maybe you can do it again sometime.
In a few days’ time, reach out to them to hang out again. Remember, take things slowly, stay positive and have fun. Let the new you shine. As time progresses, so should your dates and hopefully your relationship will rekindle as well.
How to get your ex to want you back is a mix of art and science. You have to do the opposite of what you think you should be doing. I know it sounds weird and it doesn’t make sense, but it is how it works. Trust me. I showed you above how I made all of the wrong mistakes and in the end, after ignoring my ex, she came back to me. This works and it also shows that even if you did the wrong things, there is still hope for you. How to get your ex to want you back can be done, you just have to follow the rules.