How to tell if a rebound relationship can last and how to get the most out of it
We are all familiar with rebound relationships. They happen all of the time but not everyone fully understands what rebound relationships are, and if they can last. The truth is that even rebound relationships can last even though many fail spectacularly…and quickly.
Here is all you ever wanted to know about rebound relationships.
What Is A Rebound Relationship?
In general, a rebound relationship is a relationship that is entered into quickly after a previous relationship failed. The idea is that you are emotionally weakened from how your previous relationship ended. You didn’t get the closure you needed and that makes you want to get involved with someone else as if nothing happened even if it’s not with the same person.
A rebound relationship can take on a few different meanings to different people. In general, a rebound relationship is entered into to mask the pain of a broken heart. They enter into the relationship to prove that they are worthy of another’s love and affection. In some cases, people enter into rebound relationships just to prove to their ex that they have moved on.
Are All Rebound Relationships Really Rebound Relationships?
Most of us classify a rebound relationship as a new relationship soon after the failing of another relationship but there’s really no timeline. While this is true many times, it is not true all of the time. It is not true when the person has already moved on from the relationship. What I mean by this is falling out of love before you end the relationship.
For example, I dated a girl once that I no longer had feelings for emotionally. I knew she wasn’t the one for me. But I kept dating her (mainly because she was hot and for the companionship – I’m not proud of it, but I did it) for a few months until I ended things. I didn’t get into a relationship right after this but if I did, it would not have been a rebound relationship. I had already moved on before the relationship ended.
So more than a time after dating someone as a qualification for rebound relationships, I guess it should be the emotional need you fell to get back into a relationship. Yeah, it’s a weak definition because if you’re emotionally hurting then maybe you aren’t the best judge whether it’s a rebound relationship or not. If you feel like things ended badly with your ex and you didn’t get the closure you need…work on being ok with that before you try finding it with someone else.
When is it OK to Start Dating Right Away?
Some people need to heal by being around other people. I’ve talked to people that got into rebound relationships because they couldn’t stand the thought of being alone. Getting into a relationship with someone because of YOU will always doom the relationship because the reasons to be with someone need to be because of THEM.
Instead of trying to be in a relationship, it is ok to just get back out there and casually connect with others. Match does Stir Events regularly where the site plans a social event for people on the site, local events like bowling or mini-golf or whatever. These can be a great way to meet other people and have fun as long as you go into it socially instead of trying to make an instant connection for a relationship. Be honest with the people you meet that you’re just there to connect and develop a friendship first.
Do Rebound Relationships Last?
Overwhelmingly, rebound relationships do not last. They don’t last because:
- The person that just left the relationship is not capable of being in a relationship at the time
- The new person sees that the other person isn’t ready for a relationship
- The rebounder realizes they need time to heal
When someone leaves a relationship, they are heart-broken and are not capable of loving someone right away. This is why you hear so often of people saying that they aren’t ready to date after a break-up. They need time to heal and get past things. With a rebound relationship, the person doesn’t address these issues and just jumps into another relationship. Eventually, the rebound relationship fails because they realize they aren’t emotionally able to be in a relationship and ends things or the other person recognizes this and ends things.
I dated a girl once that just ended a previous relationship. In fact, it was her marriage that just ended. I was the rebound. She was a great girl, but I could see that she wasn’t emotionally ready to date again. She ended things when she realized that she needed time to recover from her failed marriage. If she hadn’t ended things, I was going to have to. The relationship would have never worked out.
Again, when I say rebound relationships don’t last it’s because I’m classifying them as rebound relationships. It’s not really a relationship between you and the other person but between you and your emotional needs. It’s not to say that a relationship with this person can’t work but it’s just not likely it is going to work right now.
There’s still hope. After breaking it off with your rebound relationship and giving yourself the time to heal, ask yourself if you want to make it work with your rebound partner. Talk to them about how you weren’t ready and want to give it another try.
Am I too much of a broken record coming back to the need for open and honest communication? Just being upfront with your rebound partner can make it more likely you’ll reconnect when you are ready. It’s on our resource list of relationship communication do’s and don’ts.
Final Thoughts on Rebound Relationships
I’d say the chances of rebound relationships turning into long-term relationships are very unlikely. The rebounder just isn’t ready to love again. They jump into the new relationship to hide the pain and feel loved, wanted and have the attention. Remember that when a rebound relationship ends, it has nothing to do with the other person, just the rebounder. They need to heal. Trying to keep the relationship alive is only going to delay the inevitable. The best thing you can do is to let them go so that they can work on themselves and become a better person.