The secret to confidence isn’t in self-affirmations but in building confidence through success
One of the most important rules to attracting a woman is displaying a level of confidence in yourself. It’s something that appeals to the very basic instincts in women and something they find absolutely irresistible.
Unfortunately, it’s also unbearably frustrating for many guys.
All the dating books talk about it and the theme is always the same…just be more confident. As if it were that easy.
It reminds me of an episode of The Simpsons. Infomercial actor Troy McClure comes on the television and starts in with his usual intro, “Hi, I’m Troy McClure. You might remember me from other infomercials like Drink Yourself Thin and Get Confident Stupid!”
Yeah, get confident stupid!
I struggled with confidence for the longest time. I wasn’t necessarily insecure but I had trouble talking about myself or having that poise that attracted women.
Then I had that rare ah-ha moment. I had found the backdoor secret to confidence and wasn’t even trying. I was going to conferences, starting conversations and was having fun in any situation.
Even better, I started noticing that women were trying to get my attention. They were picking up on my new confidence before I even knew I had it.
The Real Secret to Being More Confident
The secret to confidence I stumbled upon…success!
I was rockin’ two blogs and pulling down more money freelancing than I did at my 9-to-5 job. I was putting in the time to be successful in my side-hustle and it was paying off. I enjoyed my work and was getting really good at it.
I was an entrepreneurial stud and I wasn’t afraid to show it. No, I wasn’t some ego-driven asshole thinking I was better than everyone else but I was enjoying the success that comes from hard work…and it showed.
I’m not saying you have to start a side hustle or some entrepreneurial dream project. I’m also not going to tell you that everyone is a unique little snowflake and special in their own way, but everyone is good at something.
Reaching a level of success that will turn you into a strutting, confident stud is as simple as two steps:
- Find something you enjoy doing. Hopefully you can find a part of your current job that you enjoy. Otherwise…life is too short to be miserable at work. Start looking for a something else.
- Get good at that job. I don’t mean putting in your 40 hours and going home. I mean make it a profession, read everything you can about it and become an expert.
So few people actually try to excel at their job, putting in the extra time to learn and standout, rising above the pack is actually easier than you think. Not only will you start getting more recognition at work (that’s pronounced ‘more money’), but you will be a star. People will start recognizing you as an expert, the go-to guy.
What Confidence is Really About
Being confident doesn’t mean removing all doubt all the time. It’s like being courageous isn’t about not being afraid but about being able to see through the fear. Being confident is about seeing through the self-doubt because you know better. You’ve accomplished so much with your profession that you know anything is possible.
That idea of confidence from success is about not basing your self-worth on what other people think of you but on your own perspective. Stop dressing, talking, ‘doing’ to impress others. You will start to define success in your own terms and stop worrying about how you stack up against someone else.
Yeah, so this backdoor route to confidence might take a year but it will lead to genuine confidence. The self-worth you build from success isn’t just telling yourself to ‘fake it until you make it’ and hoping that the lie becomes the truth somehow.
This is real personal development. Spend just six months really digging into your profession and working to become the best. Besides the confidence from your success, you’ll also improve your job prospects and be making more money…and then you get the girl!
How to Start Building Confidence Today!
Some guys seem to have been born successful. They are born into privilege, smart and go to the best schools.
That wasn’t me and I’m guessing it wasn’t you either.
For the rest of us, being successful is about making a plan and putting in the work.
What are your biggest successes so far? Professionally? In which school subjects did you excel? What hobby or job would you do even if you didn’t make much money doing it?
If you’re having trouble thinking of a job you enjoy and can’t find anything in your current job, check out this post about getting started freelancing and starting your side-hustle.
Make a plan for becoming an expert in your profession.
- Bookmark websites that talk about how to excel at the profession
- Are there recognized leaders in the industry? How did they get there and what did their career path look like?
- Are there certification courses you can take for the profession or in a related task?
- Start hanging around with coworkers that talk about the job, i.e. talk about doing it well, rather than the usual group that just sits around complaining about it.
I keep making the distinction between a profession and a job. Did you pick up on it? A profession, or being a professional, is about doing more than just punching a timecard. Being a professional is about learning how to be better at the job than anyone else. Even the most routine job can become a profession if you put in the time to learn how to do it well.
That effort will put you ahead of 99% of the workers just doing their ‘jobs’ and will make you successful.
And that success will make you confident stupid!