Stop worrying about whether you should text or call her with these dating tips.
Dating is tough. There are so many questions that roll around in your head. It’s frustrating because some of the biggest dating questions seem trivial but can make all the difference.
One of the biggest questions I hear from readers is, Should I call her or just send a text message.
It should be simple. You want to talk to her. You hope she wants to talk to you…so why should it matter whether you text or call her?
Texting has taken over communication these days. I text my friends more than I talk to them on the phone. Hell, I text me girlfriend more than I call her mainly because she is in sales and is always on the phone.
But when it comes to a new relationship, should you really be relying on impersonal texting to get things started? Then again, do you want to seem too eager with a phone call?
Before I met the love of my life, I was going out on dates eight nights a week. OK, maybe one or two a week. I was meeting plenty of women through online dating. Things would always progress to the point of initial contact. When it came to this point, some I called and some I texted. Why? At the time I didn’t know, but now I do.
What I learned texting and calling could help answer the old question of which is best.
Check out what I learned texting and calling after the first date and how you can use it in your love life. Maybe you’ve got a different experience but I’m willing to bet that the lesson is the same for most guys.
I’d love to get your feedback and personal experience with the question of whether you should text or call her.
What are you saying when you text or call a woman?
I’ve always been shy so texting seems like a great way to talk to women without having to be charming and witty on the phone. In fact, I can come off as really funny if I’m given a few seconds to think of something before I have to respond. That makes texting the perfect tool to make that first connection or to say hello after a date.
The problem with texting is that it’s so impersonal. Women aren’t like men (duh!) they pick up on the emotional side of communicating and appreciate you taking the time to pick up the phone.
I’ve even heard from some people that texting implies you aren’t into the other person. I could see where texting could be used to blow someone off or let them down gently but I think so many people use texting now that it isn’t necessarily a way to say, “I’m just not into you.”
It all comes down to this, yes you can text a girl. If it’s a casual hello or something, then a text is fine…under a few rules.
Rules for texting instead of calling her:
- Don’t text as your first connection after email. Call to say high and stop relying on a digital crutch
- Don’t text as your first connection after the first date. Let her know that the date meant more to you than a few keystrokes.
- Feel free to text her if she is a texting-freak. If she always uses text and loves it then get into her world by texting more.
There are also some rules for calling her:
- Don’t call more than two or three times a day…I would say stick with twice at the most unless you have something really important. Make sure you understand the importance of personal space in a relationship. Use texting to get the short messages out. If you are talking on the phone more than two or three times a day, it’s time to take the relationship to the next level anyway.
- Don’t call her at work unless she makes a habit of calling you while she’s working. Even then, it still might not be ok with her boss and could get her in trouble.
- Do call if she says something particularly emotional through a text. This goes for all emotions; texting isn’t the place to get angry, happy or tearful. Express your emotions and support hers through a phone call.
Texting is easy. You get the time to think of what you are going to say. Having a great phone call is more difficult.
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How to Have a Great Phone Call
I know, you are probably scared as hell right now thinking that you have to actually talk to a woman. Oh the humanity. Might as well learn how to do it now since you can’t text her during the first date.
Before I would call a woman, I would jump onto the online dating site and re-read her profile and through all of our email exchanges. Then I would pick some things out of note for small talk. Then I would vomit from nervousness, breathe deeply and call her. I make the small talk, then get into the asking for a date. It’s quick, it’s simple and it works.
Here’s a recap for your first phone call:
- Review profile/email exchanges to get some “nuggets” for small talk
- Take a deep breath or two
- Call her
- Say you liked talking to her through email but wanted to call
- Transition to small-talk topics
- Ask out
- Check out some of these best date ideas for what you might suggest
Many times, I wouldn’t even get to my small-talk topics as natural conversation would quickly take over and steer the phone call.
One last point: make sure you are prepared for voicemail. When I first called a woman, I wasn’t and left a horrible voicemail.
Don’t be a chicken-sh$@ and not leave a voicemail. She is going to know you called and will wonder why you didn’t leave a message. She may not have recognized the number. Leave a brief (no more than 20 seconds) message with your phone number.
Be ready for an immediate call back with your small-talk and date ideas.
Final Thoughts on Whether to Text or Call Her
I asked a few women their thoughts on text or call for asking them out on a first date. All of the women agree that for a first date you need to call her. Texting makes her feel unimportant. It also puts into question your intentions. Many women told me if a man texts them for a first date, they wonder how many texts they are sending out for Friday night just hoping to get a bite.
When it comes to the question of text or call her, make the effort and call her for the first date. It shows true interest and will make her that much more interested in meeting you. Follow these simple rules for texting and calling her and you’ll have no problem taking the relationship to the next level.