Why hasn’t he called? Is it nothing or does it mean he doesn’t care?
One of the biggest frustrations in dating I hear from women is “why hasn’t he called” when referring to the days and weeks after what was seemingly a great date. Believe me, it’s just as painful for guys waiting for that call whether after the first date or the fifth. There are three possible reasons why he hasn’t called:
- Has it really been that long since the date? If it hasn’t been more than two days since the date, you might not have anything to worry about if he hasn’t called. It would be great if everyone called the next day but some guys just aren’t like that.
- He wants to call but isn’t sure when. Ok, coming from a guy that was excruciatingly shy and naïve when he was dating (and only now do I realize how bad it was), he may just not know when to call. Between friends telling him one thing and not knowing if you had a good time, he might be sitting by the phone waiting for you to call.
- Of course there’s always the possibility that he hasn’t called because he just isn’t you. His loss. You can call and meet up for a second date but if there’s nothing there for him, sometimes you just have to move on.
If there just wasn’t a spark, it’s nothing you did or said but most likely it’s just that he wasn’t feeling it. It’s hurtful to not even call to say goodbye, especially after an intimate night, but that’s just the wicked game some people play. You’re better off losing these kind of people anyway.
But let’s look closer at the reasons why he hasn’t called.
He Hasn’t Called Doesn’t Mean He Doesn’t Like You
So the first two reasons he hasn’t called isn’t too bad, right? Maybe he was burned in a prior relationship by being too anxious and coming off as clingy so he makes it a point to act ‘cool’ in new relationships.
Why not call him? C’mon, it’s the 21st century. Are there really any gender rules so antiquated as the ones we cling to in dating?
If you’re the kind of person that likes to hear from someone the next day, set the pace by sending a quick text or call. If he’s really into you and just shy or wondering how to break that call-back ice, he’ll appreciate the gesture.
He Hasn’t Called because He’s Not into You
Most people won’t go out of their way to hurt someone. Women don’t like hurting men so they become distant when he calls or texts by not answering or delaying when you call or text back. It’s an easy way of ending things without actually having to tell a guy that you aren’t interested.
Men do the same thing. We act distant and in some cases, actually disappear because we don’t want to hurt you.
Then there’s the problem of sex. I’m not going to say that men jump into bed faster than women or that it means more for one gender than it does for the other. That’s a tired stereotype and I don’t think was ever true.
The problem is that not everyone feels the same way about sex. For some, it’s a sign of commitment while for others…it’s just sex.
If you’re someone that feels sex is something more intimate than just two people having fun, then you need to make sure he feels the same way or that he’s not just saying what you want to hear to get you to bed.
I guess it’s easier to say this years after I’ve left the dating scene. It’s tough being direct and honest with someone you care about before you know that they really feel the same way. Look at it this way, if you are direct with him and he flinches then maybe it’s better you found out now rather than after you could really get hurt.
If he shares your feelings then he’ll be relieved that you feel the same.
How To Handle Why He Hasn’t Called
Is it too cliché to say that communication is the key? If it’s been less than 36 hours (that seems so random but give it more than 24 hours but less than two days) and he hasn’t called, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.
Try calling like it’s no big deal. If it goes to voicemail, just leave a quick message…just one message. In today’s age of WhatsApp and emoji, a winking smily face works just as well to say, “Just thinking about our date, thought I’d say Hi.”
If he takes more than the rest of the day to reply to your call or text…move on. Maybe I’ve just been on the wrong end of these too many times but it’s just rude to string someone on like that and you don’t need that type of person.
If he hasn’t called or texted you within a day or two of sleeping with him, to ask you out on another date, then he simply isn’t interested in you. You need to move on. There is no Ryan Gosling, no David Beckham worth that kind of treatment.
Final Thoughts from a Guy that Has and Hasn’t Called
So if you’re wondering why he hasn’t called after your date, whether it’s after sex or not, it doesn’t always mean he’s not into you. If you haven’t yet established the ‘norm’ for when you talk to each other after a date then he might just not know. Despite what some guys may think, there are no ‘rules’ for when to call and what to do in dating. Figuring this stuff out together is what will build your relationship and make it stronger.
If he doesn’t feel the same way about you that you feel about him…well then it’s better to find that out too. Don’t waste your time on someone trying to change them, it’s way too early in the relationship for that. The more energy you waste replaying things out in your mind, the longer it will take you to find someone right for you. The more you allow him to string you along, the more hurt and frustrated you are going to get. Tell him you aren’t interested in the hooking and are looking for something more. The sooner you do this, the happier you will be.