Breaking up isn’t easy, nor is it fun. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve had a handful of women kick me to the curb and noticed some things that they did when breaking up that they should not have done. This of course is understandable as breaking up is hard to do. If you are a woman and in a situation where you plan to end the relationship, take it from me and follow this advice on how not to break up with a man.
How Not to Break Up With a Man
Don’t Text it
Texting has become the trend. It’s much more convenient to text rather than call – even for first dates. But remember that you are breaking up with someone here. It’s not about convenience, it’s about respect. Breaking up via text is a cop-out. It’s weak. It shows you don’t have the guts to do it in person. It makes the other person feel like sh!t.
I dated a girl for close to a year. She was going to be coming over one night when I received a text message saying that she has been doing some thinking and doesn’t think it will work out. She was sorry. I asked if we could meet to talk, but she said no. She made up her mind. I understand (and hope) she felt bad for ending things. It’s never fun to hurt someone’s feelings. But it made me feel like the last 9 months were a waste of my time. Obviously they were in the sense that the relationship ended, but more so for the fact that I put everything I had on the line and she didn’t. If she did, she would have ended things in person.
Of course, if the man you have been dating is an @sshole then feel free to treat him like crap during the breakup. I can’t make an argument not to other than karma.
By going MIA for a week and not responding to calls/texts/emails doesn’t do any good. Any person, whether man or woman in a relationship will know that something bad is about to happen when you go missing for a few days. If you really need time to think about it, then tell him. Sit him down, not by saying we need to talk, but sit him down and say “look, I’ve been having second thoughts about us. I didn’t want to disappear on you for a few days because you are a good person. But I just need a few days to sort through my feelings. I hope you understand.” If you do this be sure to:
- Set a date when you will reach out. Don’t string him along for weeks.
- Make up your mind! Again, if you don’t have an answer when the day comes, tell him what you’ve been thinking and that you need a few more days.
- Stress to him that he needs to leave you alone. He will want to help.
- Reinforce there isn’t anyone else. Otherwise he may start stalking you.
Again, personal experience on this one. She went MIA. I knew bad things were going down, but it still doesn’t stop the pain for when you actually hear it. I’d rather have just heard the news than have it drag out like it did.
Pick Somewhere Quiet
Don’t ask to meet up at your favorite dive bar and crush him there. Pick a park or other quiet place. If you do it in a public place, he will feel humiliated and that is not the goal. Likewise, if the place is loud, you or he might have a hard time hearing one another.
If need be, go to his place. This serves two purposes. First, you don’t make him drive across town to come to your place just to break up with him and send him packing. The second purpose is that you can leave when you are done. If he came to your place, you can ask him to leave, but he might have questions. Lots of questions, meaning he is going to be there for a long time. If you go to his place, you dictate when you leave.
Now, if the man you are dating is a loose cannon and there is a good chance he will have a meat cleaver or ice pick at his disposal, then by all means pick the most public place that offers the most eye-witnesses should the need for a court trial arise.
The overall theme of how not to break up is to be considerate of the other person’s feelings. Think about how you want to be treated. Again, it isn’t fun and it certainly isn’t easy. But it’s like pulling a band-aid off: the quicker you do it, the faster you can move on and enjoy life. Be easy, be kind, and do it in person.